July
10, 2000
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Cleo threw up twice today — once at some undetermined time this morning, then again this evening. Both times it was lots of dark liquid, with a little bit of food. My heart is so heavy. Talking with my parents, my father suggested it was time to put Cleo to sleep. Of course I've considered it. I already know that if she ever stops eating altogether, to me then it's time. But she's getting such pleasure out of food. She's stronger. Although I don't think she ever feels completely well any more, still I'd estimate that she feels pretty good about 75% of the time, and that's a lot. After throwing up tonight, five minutes later she'd jumped up on the garbage and was trying to get at the chicken we ate for dinner. How can you put to sleep a cat who's doing that? The decision would be so easy if she were obviously ill and in pain, but she's not. To top it off, I've had great trouble giving her fluids the last two times. Both times, I couldn't get the needle seated correctly the first few tries, and finally had to let her go. But I steeled myself and tried again a couple of hours later, and both times it went smoothly the second time. I have cried so much in the last few days. I don't know what to do for her. I don't want her to suffer, but I really think her time hasn't come yet. I know she'll either die or need to be put to sleep at some point, I just don't think it's come to that yet. If only I could get the vomiting under control. |
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